Empty Bed

I got out of bed and felt an overwhelming amount of sadness. The bed was empty. Scott was in England. The fact that he was gone was not a shock. We often take trips without each other, but it struck me of how much we talk to each other. When Scott goes to Virgina or Florida he is only a text message or an email away. This is not the case from London. It's radio silence, and the silence is deafening. It was as if he was here and then snatched away. On a small scale, this is what it must feel like when someone dies. One moment they are there and the next you are reaching for the phone and realize that you can’t talk to them. The feelings of sadness touched me deeply and reminded me of how much I love Scott. He means so much to me. It makes me appreciate him so much more to realize that he will not be in my life forever. It also makes me aware of my attachment to him. In Buddhism they say that all pain and suffering comes from your attachment to things. Our biggest attachments in life (without a doubt) are our loved ones. A small controlled simulation like this makes me contemplate how I would handle a situation if the worst would ever happen. Maybe one of the things that make death so hard is that we never talk about it so we are unprepared for all the emotions that go along with it like waking up in an empty bed. For now, I am very happy that Scott is coming back in a week, and buying a GSM phone while there to end the radio silence.