The Controversy of the Dinner Time Prayer

Each night at dinner our Middle Son Zefram does the evening prayer before we eat. It is a great tradition and makes Zefram feel very important to do something as special as calling our family to order in this ceremonious way. The prayer is a cute sing song rhythm that goes—“God, Thank you for the sun, the trees, the mountains and me. Amen.” In addition the prayer has little hand movements that go along with the words that our children love to do. Even my youngest child Athena likes to get into the action with pointing to herself and saying “and me” at the top of her lungs. The institution of the dinner prayer has been a blessing in so many ways to our family and the kids get a great deal out of it. To the outside world the prayer seems innocuous enough but my husband Scott is an Atheist. To him, giving thanks and evoking a higher power at dinnertime is as foreign as living on the moon would have been for our grandparents. Recently, Scott initiated a deep conversation about the family dinnertime prayer. Since I am devoutly spiritual and my husband is devoutly Atheist it did not come as a shock when he said that he would prefer to remain quiet through the prayer but it was Ok if me and the kids continued to say it. Our differences in beliefs have led to a great many conversations over child rearing, respect and belief over the last 9 years. Nevertheless, our strong beliefs have never led to shouting matches, but have been more akin to deep philosophical debates. It reminds me of what dinner must be like for Mary Matalin and James Carville in the political realm. Despite their huge differences they are able to make their marriage work and so are we. What makes my husband Scott and my relationship so strong in the face of polarizing viewpoints is our deep LOVE for one another. I respect Scott and love him to the core of my being. I try very hard not to change him despite my ego tendencies. He in turn loves me so much that he is willing to allow me to raise the children with spirituality despite his deep inner convictions. His compromise means so much to me and is one of the reasons that I continue to love him and cherish him to this day.

Spring Is Here

On the way back from my run, I saw a flock of Robins. I was running up an incline and breathing rather hard, but as soon as I saw the birds my spirits burst with merriment. Robins are the first bird of spring in the Northeast and this was the first sighting. I couldn’t wait to get home and tell my family what I had seen. The Robin is such a special bird. The migration of the Robin is a clear symbol that winter is drawing to a close. Like the crocuses and the daffodils they are a living testament that rebirth is in the air and spring fireworks are right around the corner. In an era where we try to predict the weather, the Robins seem to have the inside track. Seeing the Robin as a symbol for spring made me consider the true symbols for unity that brings all of humanity together. Most of them are found in nature, like the Robin. The more enduring promises of hope and unity for the world can be seen in the simple things; the warmth of the sun, the water, the moon and the stars. Maybe this is why China chose to bring the world together at the Beijing Olympics in a metaphorical birds nest. Having a civilization that has been around for over 4,000 years they have come to honor nature in their everyday lives. Zen, Taoism, and Confucianism all honor and revere nature. Our family is making a concerted effort to enjoy the subtle things in life that can only be found in nature. Right now, my husband has started his seedlings in the basement. Each day it is marvelous to wake-up and walk down stairs to inventory the astronomical advancements that these seeds in the dirt have made overnight. Nature teaches us so much about calmness, and mysticism, and beauty. It even gives us greater insight into our own soul. One may argue that it is the true kiss of the Devine. When we get so busy on our cell phones, our to-do list and TV it is helpful to take a deep breath, drink in the air and look at the sky for a moment in thanksgiving. So often we discount nature in our lives, but it is the living breathing source that ties us all together.

St. Patrick’s Day

Children see the world in an extraordinary way. Especially holidays—even minor ones like St. Patrick’s Day. They are in awe of the Leprechauns that make merry mischief and finding a rainbow. Many times a child’s fantasy world seems trite to adults who think they have better things to do than be caught up in a hallmark holiday. After all, celebrating St. Patrick’s Day will not balance the budget or bring about world peace. Or will it? For me, Alex, Zefram and Athena remind me that looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is what life is all about. They are so excited to dress up in their spiffy green hats and decorate the house with shamrocks. They truly see the world through green colored glasses. Their joy and laughter is intoxicating as they skip through the house. To them—everything is possible; even little green men who are only 8 inches tall. My children have reminded me that St. Patrick’s Day is more then hoisting a pint; it is about the childhood wonderment that should not be lost in adulthood. Perhaps this is the attitude that Jesus was referring to when he said that the kingdom of God belongs to children. So keeping in this spirit, on this St. Patrick’s Day our family will be searching for rainbows and be surprised as Alex plays pranks in the name of the leprechauns. I believe he has already decorated my bathroom floor with tiny foot prints leading up to some item that the leprechauns have absconded. In a way, life does not get any better then this. It is all about childhood merriment and exploring the possibilities of what is. And in the end—I assure you that this type of thinking can even solve world peace.

You Never Know Who Your Talking To

Tonight the Cochrane family went out to Ledo’s Pizza in Crofton. It is the monthly fund raiser for Crofton Woods. Alex just loves it because he gets a chance to socialize with all of his friends. Toward the end of our meal we started talking to our waitress, Bridgette. We told Bridgette how happy we were that Ledo’s went out of their way to build community by hosting the school night. It is a night that the entire family looks forward to. We found out that Bridgette wasn’t an ordinary waitress. Actually, she was the owner’s daughter. I would have never guessed in a million years that her Dad owned the place. She said that she helps out at the restaurant on school nights because of the volume. It just goes to show you that you never know who you are speaking with. There is a phrase that says that the measure of a man can be determined by how they act to someone that can do nothing to them or for them. In our culture, there is still a perceived idea that some people are better then others depending on their perceived status. There is a tendancy to treat these people better then the Janator or the waitress. From a religious perspective, even Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. This was such a great lesson for the Cochrane Family to share at dinner. We are all equal in the sight of our creator.

Ambassadors of Race Relations

My husband and I are watching the last couple of episodes of Battlestar Galactica together. It has been a gripping science fiction series; mostly attributed to its great writing and plot lines. The show deals with deep controversial issues such as God and Religion. But another subplot running through the show is the idea of race relations and a biracial child. The writers have been putting a lot of emphasis on the half human half cylon child that they proclaim to be the hope for the future. This story line is not new. It is reminiscent of the Star Child in V. This makes me ask what the writers are trying to tell us about race relations in our own culture. The biracial issue touched a nerve for me because I am one of the 4.9 million biracial Americans in the US. As a child, I always struggled with my identity and a sense of belonging. I am Latino and White. However, today I face the biracial issue more then ever as I go out with my blonde haired, blue eyed daughter who is a carbon copy of her Dad and looks nothing like me. At least once a day, someone will ask, “is she your daughter?” People are down right surprised that someone with dark skin can mother someone so fair. Although annoyed at these seemingly insensitive questions in the beginning, I now feel that this dialog is opening up the lines of communication between races. This is the type of conversation that needs to take place for there to be a continued healing of our nation. There is no doubt that biracial children are the hope for the future. Their very essence will break down the walls between the races not by them choosing sides but by the virtue of their blendedness and healthy sense of self. Being biracial is so special because the children of biracial couples are the product of love between the races that transcends past prejudices. Biracial children are the rich fruit of the melting pot of our nation. It appears to me that Battlestar Galactica, like many science fiction shows before it (Star Trek included), are dealing with what could happen if we could rise to our better selves. For now, my daughter Athena and I are content to do our part in promoting the healing process as we hop-scotch around the community doing our everyday errands and being an inspiration of what is possible.

Snow Ice Cream and Candy

Anyone who knows me and my husband intimately knows that we dislike the winter—especially snow. However, even though I dislike the snow passionately I try not to expose these views on my children—at least consciously. It was very hard at first to hold my tongue and not say anything negative. Nevertheless, I want my kids to have the opportunity to form their own thoughts about the snow and the winter experience without my jaded grumblings of shoveling the driveway or the overt disruption to my life. Regardless of whether you like snow or not—I am sure that you have one good childhood memory of building a snowman or being excited for a day off from school. It is interesting how our perceptions change about something as simple as snow being good or bad as we become an adult. Children have no such limitations. In their natural state they are joyous about the white stuff falling from the sky. Children approach snow with a sense of wonderment. It is great to see how their eyes light up as they stick out their tongues out a passing flurry. Looking at how my own kids view winter has changed how my awareness. I now find a sense of calmness and stillness as the white stuff blankets the landscape. In a way, I feel like the Grinch whose heart grew three sizes too big. Instead of going through the motions, I find myself enjoying the excitement of wintertime activities that I do with the kids—and now I’m even finding that I am trying to come up with more. Yesterday we made snow ice cream which is a tradition from my husband’s mom. It was delicious. We mixed a little condensed milk with new fallen snow and drizzled chocolate on it. WOW!!! It’s not Haagen Dazs but it’s pretty good. The other thing that the kids loved making with the snow is snow candy. I found the recipe in a Laura Ingles Wilder Book when I was a girl. Basically, you warm up maple syrup and drizzle it over new fallen snow (I like to stress new fallen snow). It is so much fun to do and you can create really interesting patterns. Alex, Zefram, and Athena had so much fun eating this sensational snow dish that we packed the freezer full of snow to keep the fun alive even after the magic has melted outside. Maybe will try putting food coloring and sugar in it next batch as suggested by a neighbor. In a lot of ways, I am discovering my inner child along with my little ones. Living in that space is so much pleasurable.

Grandma’s Pancakes

In these times of economic unrest, we are all looking for answers. This made me contemplate a family tradition passed down from my maternal great grandmother. It was called Grandma’s Pancakes. Essentially, Grandma’s Pancakes are a mixture of fried flour and water that is served up with ketchup. They are eaten like a thick crepe and are definitely an acquired taste as I am reminded by anyone who has married into the family. Nutritionally speaking, Grandma’s Pancakes may not have a lot to offer, but they were always served with a great deal of wisdom which was more filling for the soul then the body. You see, Grandma’s Pancakes were poor mans food dating back to when my family went through the great depression in Ohio. This delicacy was served in the house when times were lean and the family could not afford eggs. The irony was that the kids always thought that eating Grandmas Pancakes was cause for celebration. This was in part due to the fact that the Parents made such a big deal about eating them. Often the kids would dance around the house and sing praises in great anticipation. In many ways the concept of Grandma’s Pancakes reminds me of the Academy Award winning movie It’s a Beautiful Life. The adults always went out of their way to shield us from the doom and gloom around us. They taught us that even in the worst of times there was something to celebrate. I will never know if my affection of Grandma’s Pancakes is due to the nostalgia, life lessons, or their great taste. What I can tell you is that my kids like them almost as much as I did growing up. They have continued the tradition of dancing around in eager jubilation.

Recipe:
Combine1cup of flour and 1 cup of water in equal parts in a bowl. Add ½ teaspoon of salt. Thoroughly mix ingredients until the mixture is smooth. It should have the consistency of a milk shake.
Drizzle oil in a skillet and heat the olive oil until it has a sheen. Pour the batter into the frying pan with a ¼ measuring spoon. Because the thickness of the batter, it may require a spoon to smooth the mixture into a large round circle. If the consistency is too dense to work with, simply add water and stir and retry. Fry the dough until it is golden on each side. Remove from the heat and serve with Ketchup, jam or any condiments of choice.

What Can You Live Without?

I was raised by my maternal Grandmother that went through the Great Depression. She saved aluminum and tin foil. She was constantly after me to turn off the lights, when I was not in the room, and she washed plastic silverware and separated paper towels. Her favorite phrase in Italian was “LaLuge-LaLuge” which translates lightly to “you’re being wasteful!” In a time where everything was plentiful we thought she was an archaic dinosaur. Who new she was teaching us something so important. Then 3 years ago, my family went to Panama. We visited my 95 year old paternal Grandfathers house. I was struck by the fact that I could have bought his humble abode for the amount that I spent in one day on my wedding in the US. On the same trip, I also met a relative that made 1 dollar a day—we were their guest. The trip was transforming. I realized how blessed we were. My husband and I made the conscious decision to scale back our lives. Omar Khayyam in the Rubaiyat said that all you needed was “a loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and thee.” It’s pretty true. When we came back from Panama, I quit my career to give our children more quality time rather than things. Our motto became Making Family Life a Priority. In addition, our family gave up cable, eating out regularly, and shopping--Home Parties being the hardest because it was connected with a social group. Now, we buy a lot of our stuff used. Goodwill and second hand stores are regular stops. Sometimes it is hard on our kids who don’t understand why they don’t have the latest Wii, 700 channels on the TV or regular parties at the Kids Super Extreme Mega Bounce Zone. They have had melt downs when we have tried to limit the amount of TV and computer in their lives and said that they are “board,” but we are all learning values (as a family) to last a life time—kind of like the ones my Grandmother gave to me. Two new changes that we have recently made, is that we discuss our decisions in family meetings and read books like Wayne Dyer’s children’s book It’s Not What You’ve Got! The accumulation of stuff has been replaced by hugs, family dinners, game nights, and car trips. The sacrifices has been worth it! Our kids have less temper tantrums then when I worked full time. . We have found happiness in simplicity, and more importantly we love spending time together. And yes every once in a while we still splurge and buy something extraordinary which we appreciate so much more.

Rich in Cookies

I met Nancy before Mass at All Souls Episcopal Church in DC. She made an impression on me. Nancy commented that she would never be rich but thanked God for all the blessings in her life. The irony is that Nancy is truly rich in blessings. What makes her so rich is the kindness she gives away. After lunch at Open City Cafe on 24th street, Nancy pulled out this big Tupperware filled with cookies. She proceeded to send the dish around the table. It was filled with delicious sugar cookies with a fruit preserve. She also took out little valentines bags and encouraged everyone to take as many home as they wanted. Each cookie was the size of a man’s fist and was tantalizing to the taste buds. One bite made you feel like you were in your Grandmothers kitchen. On the way back to the church, I asked Nancy about her baking. She said that she loves to bake but she and her husband Lawrence are the only 2 people at home and so she gives away her baked goods. That way she can continue to bake. I admired Nancy and her generosity. It made me think about what each of us could give away to show love. What is your ministry? Sometimes it is the simple things. Nancy’s ministry is cookies. She gives away her gifts and changes the world one cookie at a time; And, I dare you not to smile when you are eating one of her delicious cookies.