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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

A Silver Lining to a Rainy Day

Bonding with each of your children individually is important. Alex and I stood out in the Rain for 3 hours to get a book signed by the author Rick Riordan, http://www.rickriordan.com/. It was a mother son outing to the Library of Congress National Book Festival in DC. Mr. Riordan is the author of the Percy Jackson series of books, a modern-day re-telling of the Greek Mythology. After we finished our last series (Harry Potter), Alex and I were looking for something else to do when we stumbled upon these books. Alex fell instantly in love with the 12 year old precocious hero Percy Jackson. Percy has special powers because he is a demi-god born of a human mother and a god, Poseidon for a father. He goes on modern day quests to save the world which appeals greatly to young readers. Alex is truly enraptured by Percy and the mythological series. Moreover he is learning Greek mythology without knowing it. Pretty cool!

When I told Alex that the author Rick Riordan was going to be at the Book Festival he was overjoyed about getting his book signed by the author. Riordan’s first book The Lightning Thief hits the movie theaters this February, and may launch him to the fame of JK Rowling. This was our chance to meet him—and it was a great way for Alex to stay excited about reading. However the day did not go according to plan.

On Sunday, we packed a lunch and headed downtown on the metro and got in line an hour before the book signing began. Things already looked grim. Even though we were there over an hour before the book signing began, the author was so popular that we were on the 11th line. It started to rain but our hopes were not dashed. Then Riordan had to go for a TV appearance—and that was the end. After standing in line for 3 long hours Alex was crushed and wet. He started to cry and my heart broke because there was nothing I could do to stop his tears. It was heartbreaking. This is not what I wanted my son to remember about his mother and son outing. So I did the next best thing, I remembered that Riordan was speaking in the Children’s and Teens Tent at 3:15 so we ran from one side of the National Mall to the other in hopes of catching him there. Thank the gods we ran as fast as Hermes and were able to make a connection with a very kind lady. Our efforts were rewarded despite the overcrowded tent with a chair (to share) 20 feet from the stage. When we sat down, Alex and I were so close to Rick Riordan that we could see his eye color. It was a great consolation to a very rainy day. Riordan’s speech was riveting and told us of many things to come, including a series on Egyptian mythology. I am so delighted that Alex and I shared this time together and that his love for reading was rewarded. There is always a silver lining to a rainy day.

Monday, September 21, 2009

To spank or not to spank--That is the question

“Life is a circle. What we teach to our children is what they will teach to our grandchildren.” --Jena Cochrane


I don’t believe in spanking but it is so hard not to revert to hitting your child when you were spanked as a little person. Even though you are now the adult, each time you are in a confrontational situation with your child it feels like you are in the fight of your life to control yourself. This is hard because hitting comes so naturally when it is was taught to you. The biggest issue in not reverting to old habits is to keep the brain engaged when you start to feel hot under the collar. Here is a clip from my latest battle to keep myself at peace:

The heat of anger swelled up in me. The passion of the moment was intoxicating. I felt like an old drunk looking for a familiar drink. I wanted so badly to give into my passions and slap my 8 year old son across the face. He deserved it, I told myself. The words in my brain were insidious and I could almost hear the familiar language that my parents used to say to me. I kept talking to myself inside my head. This is not then—I told myself. It was true that Alex was deliberately pushing my buttons by falling on the floor and screaming mean things because I was making him re-do his sloppy homework. Couldn’t Alex see that I was trying to help him? But that is not how he saw the world at all. Instead he was fighting me with every fiber of his being. I was furious! I drank in a long sustained deep breath. I must continue to keep breathing I told myself and I focused deeper on my breath as I do in Yoga Class, determined to keep my peace. I drew a breath in for 5 sweet counts and let it out for 10 counts determined to stay present. I could feel the air as it danced across my lower lip in a calming release. My breath helped me refocus on my inner battle and kept me from seeing blinding red (www.oprah.com/yoga). I knew I was taking one of God’s practical exams and my son Alexander was ironically my teacher. He was challenging me to grow and be a better person. This moment was not just about teaching Alex to respect me, do his homework, and control his temper. The greater picture was about me learning to control my inner demons.

Monday, September 14, 2009

A Sunday Morning Run to help the Community

Before I went to church yesterday, I went to Severna Park to participate in the 12th Annual Victims Fund Run that was hosted by the State Attorneys Office in Maryland. See the following site: Victims Fund Run Linda was instrumental in getting me to run the 5K race. It was an important event for her, as Linda wanted to do something special for her husband. He had passed away 10 years ago at the age of 28 after being hit by a drunk driver. 10 years after the fact, Linda gathered a group of friends and acquaintances at 7:30AM to run or walk (as they were able) under the name Disco Ducks to commemorate her husband’s life. She told me that her husband had been a runner, so it was a great way to honor him.

The event was a perfect event for anyone looking for a Sunday Morning workout and giving back to the community at the same time. There were beautiful blue skies and many of Anne Arundel’s Finest came out to host, support and bring awareness to victim’s rights. Everything was so meticulously run. The run went along the B&A Trail behind many of the store fronts. There was even a coffee shop that had tables out along the trail. The most memorable event of the day was a group of police officers that ran in formation chanting cadence.

Everyone was warmly welcomed at the finish line and then treated to a buffet of watermelon, oranges, energy bars and huge bottles of water. The icing on the cake was the friendly raffle and award ceremony for the winners. Although the event has a hometown feel it has the organization of a grand event. The Victims Fund Run will continue to grow from year to year. I give the Attorney State Department 2 thumbs up for the fantastic fund raiser and my love to Linda.

The burdens that we carry together become lighter. –Author Unknown

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Can you still be in Love after 9 years?


Recently Scott and I celebrated our 9th Wedding Anniversary. This made me ponder the concept of love as it relates to our marriage.


I feel that the love between my husband Scott and I is a sacred bond. It is most important because the union of our love created our 3 children, who are life itself. All the other loves in my life have been preparatory to this moment, so that I can be part of this creative loving energy. Together Scott and I are the yin and the yang, the sky and the earth. In no other life endeavor do I think that we will fulfill more of our purpose then in the unity of our love for one another. The love between us is the source of creation; and so it is with every couple who come together in love. This unity is so special that I will go even as far as to say that my love for my husband surpasses my love for my children because without that love my children would not exist; and my love for my children surpasses everything else. In religious terms the love of our family can be explained symbolically through the trinity. We are 3 loves in one, but all the pieces are important and unbounded. Being so centrally important to our lives, and being essentially boundless (limitless), love is a complicated thing. After 9 years of marriage and the demands of the everyday, it is hard to think of our marriage as sacred or to feel the sweet euphoria of intoxicated lovers. In a lot of ways, the love of marriage reminds me more of a river in nature then the trinity. It has calm parts, and then treacherous waters that seem to never end. Sometimes the river of love runs deep and other times there is barely a trickle in the river bed. However the water, like our spirits, is not deterred. Somehow the water is miraculously pulled toward the ocean as we are pulled toward our source in God. Despite how rocky the terrain, water still remains the most powerful force on earth. It sustains us and moves us forward. Water has the ability to gently romance us or to drown us. So it is with love. The faces of love are ever changing as the river changes from morning to night. Recently, Scott and I watched the tail end of the Disney movie ‘Pocahontas’. In it, Mother Willow (who embodies the spirit of God) says, “You do not know what will happen around the river bend.” And so it is with love. Love is a great river of experiences and it has many twists and turns that breath new life into every current. Recently, my son Alex discovered that the Mississippi river is 2,348 miles long. Although our lives can not be measured is such exact terms, they (like the river) will have many ups and downs over the journey of a thousand miles. The question is never about whether there will be rocks and rapids along the way, but how we will navigate them as we get pulled along toward the ocean.


Then as it was, then again it will be
And though the course may change
sometimes
Rivers always reach the sea
Led Zeppelin, Ten Years Gone

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The First Day of Kindergarten


Going off to kindergarten is one of the many pivotal events in a child’s life. Aug 27th was, our son, Zefram Cochrane’s first day of Kindergarten. As with all things he is filled with exuberance and enthusiasm for this new milestone. Zefram by nature is a happy child. He is the quintessential “Tigger.” This is a fantastic approach to the world; but as a care giver of a child that bounces off the walls 24/7 like a super ball it can be overwhelming, leaving you exhausted by the end of the day. Therefore, it will come as no surprise that I am filled with adulation and joy as Zefram takes this huge step into the real world and is gone till 3:30PM each weekday. Admittedly, my life will be easier with Zefram in school because he is like having four children in one body.

However this adulation is tempered with the fact that we have been through the kindergarten routine before. Zefram is my middle child. Every milestone that he reaches with such glee is something that his older brother has already accomplished. Thus it is hard to get excited because (as parents) we have already experienced the event for the first time with our older son. From the parent perspective, it feels like there is nothing different or special about this event. It is easy to fall into a “been there done that” approach. Nevertheless, Zefram deserves our jubilation and if we can not muster excitement for him then we should let his energy and delight set the tone for the day.

As Zefram crawled into my lap (as he does every morning) I am struck by the warmth and affection that he emanates on a daily basis. Zefram gives the best hugs and I love his smile. He talks cheerfully of school and getting on the bus. He is not scared one bit. I hold him tightly to me, I am struck by how grown up he has become yet how he still needs me in his life. I wonder if that is how God feels about us.

To make the first day of Kindergarten extra special for Zefram we all walk to the bus stop as a family. As we walked, Zefram skipped and danced ahead of us down the quarter mile road. There is no doubt that Zefram is an extraordinary child and has so much to offer the world. I am blessed that he is my son. He teaches me about happiness and tolerance. As I wave the final good-bye to the School bus, I hope that he will enjoy the 2 cookies in his lunch and the picture of the rocket that signifies all his dreams taking off. In my head, I am already contemplating how I will welcome him home when he returns. But what strikes me more then anything is the over abundance of love I have for him. He is my middle child but as William Young said in his book the Shack,” I am especially fond of him.”