To spank or not to spank--That is the question

“Life is a circle. What we teach to our children is what they will teach to our grandchildren.” --Jena Cochrane

I don’t believe in spanking but it is so hard not to revert to hitting your child when you were spanked as a little person. Even though you are now the adult, each time you are in a confrontational situation with your child it feels like you are in the fight of your life to control yourself. This is hard because hitting comes so naturally when it is was taught to you. The biggest issue in not reverting to old habits is to keep the brain engaged when you start to feel hot under the collar. Here is a clip from my latest battle to keep myself at peace:

The heat of anger swelled up in me. The passion of the moment was intoxicating. I felt like an old drunk looking for a familiar drink. I wanted so badly to give into my passions and slap my 8 year old son across the face. He deserved it, I told myself. The words in my brain were insidious and I could almost hear the familiar language that my parents used to say to me. I kept talking to myself inside my head. This is not then—I told myself. It was true that Alex was deliberately pushing my buttons by falling on the floor and screaming mean things because I was making him re-do his sloppy homework. Couldn’t Alex see that I was trying to help him? But that is not how he saw the world at all. Instead he was fighting me with every fiber of his being. I was furious! I drank in a long sustained deep breath. I must continue to keep breathing I told myself and I focused deeper on my breath as I do in Yoga Class, determined to keep my peace. I drew a breath in for 5 sweet counts and let it out for 10 counts determined to stay present. I could feel the air as it danced across my lower lip in a calming release. My breath helped me refocus on my inner battle and kept me from seeing blinding red (www.oprah.com/yoga). I knew I was taking one of God’s practical exams and my son Alexander was ironically my teacher. He was challenging me to grow and be a better person. This moment was not just about teaching Alex to respect me, do his homework, and control his temper. The greater picture was about me learning to control my inner demons.