Cultural Learning 101

Turning Friday Night into Family Night has spurred some wonderful and deep conversations within the Cochrane Family. Our children have been able to be engaged and learn from these conversations as much as the adults. Recently, we had Fatimah and her two children Wudood and Hanaa over for dinner. Alex my 7 year old son had a very special question for Fatimah which I broached with her earlier. “Why do you wear that on your head?” Alex asked shyly. My friend Fatimah is Muslim, and wears a head scarf. The rest of us held our breath because we did not want to offend Fatimah or her family by asking insensitive questions. These were our guests and our friends and we did not want them to feel on display. Fatimah merely smiled and very patiently answered that her headdress was called a “Hijab.” She went on to explain that she wears it out of reverence for God and as a symbol of her Muslim Faith. Alex then asked, “Do you ever take it off?” Fatimah laughed;” Yes, I take it off when I am alone or in the presence of my family. However if there is another male in the house who is not related to me I put it back on.” The conversation went on for a while and then Fatimah turned to her 12 year old son and asked him to explain further why she wears the Hijab so that it would be a learning experience for everyone at the dinner table. Wudood chimed into the conversation by saying, “It is to protect her beauty. “ Fatimah further explained that her beauty is a special gift that she reserves just for her family. The conversation took many twists and turns that night. Over pizza we discussed many of the religious and cultural differences (and similarities) between the Muslim and Christian Faiths. Our two families talked about the fasting for Ramadan in the Muslim Faith and the tradition of giving up something for Lent within the Christian Religion. That was a very special night in our house. Our home and our dinner table became the focal point of learning, sharing and understanding. Much of that conversation was as poignant as any formalized education our children will ever receive in school. Understanding, and therefore tolerance, starts at home regardless whether it is religious, racial, political or ethnic – and sometimes can take place over pizza. The bigger lesson to be gleaned from Alex’s question and the answer he received is love and respect. He asked a potentially impolite question in a respectful manner and received a thoughtful and detailed answer. Learning to respect and love everyone for who they are is a lesson we hope will last our children throughout their lives. Respect and Love and Understanding all lead to peace, and peace is perhaps the greatest manifestation of Gods love available to us on earth.

Mothers Day Madness

Like a bride on her wedding day—I got caught up on what the perfect Mothers Day should be instead of what it was. I was very focused on what I was not getting for Mothers Day. Scott slept in. He and the kids did not make breakfast and then Scott went off to give blood leaving me alone with 3 children to get ready for church. I was mad! It was evident that there would not be a reprieve from cooking or any of the chores that makes a day ordinary. By the time I got to church, the bitterness of being underappreciated was reaching deep into my soul.. As I just hinted at, the perfect Mother’s Day for me meant escaping the responsibility of child rearing for the entire day, and obviously that was not going to happen. But the feelings of wanting to spend Mother’s Day without my kids & family added an extra layer of guilt to my already consuming bitterness. I was almost so over consumed in self pity that I almost missed the wonderment of the day. There were extraordinary things that were happening all around me that my bitterness was blocking. Scott had given me a blackberry for Mothers Day to help me organize my life, a gift that I had been pinning after for a great many months. Also, he actually was going off to give his donation of blood in my name—a very thoughtful gift to say the least. To not be out done, Zefram’s school had done a luncheon for all the mothers in his class. They had read little bios about each mother which the kids had come up with. Mine started out this way. “This mother loves all the colors of the rainbow. She loves wearing church clothes, making walkie talkies. I like it when she makes me green eggs and ham” (which is something that I do every St. Patrick’s Day for the kids). Alex stepped up to the plate by writing a litany of verses that started out with “my Mom dot, dot, dot.” He filled the template in with “My mom can cook. My Mom can paint. “My Mom can sword fight”. That one really made me laugh, although it is true. “My mom is Love.” Wow! It does not get much better then that. Later on, I spotted Alex coming up the road with Ms. Mary; she is the 80 year old woman that lives next door. Mrs. Mary was pushing Alex’s bike and Alex had 3 huge alabaster stones clutched to his breast. He had found the stones in one of the neighbor’s yards and had asked them if he could bring them home for his Mom. Clearly I was not under appreciated. My family loved me and I needed to see the love from the place they were giving it.

Saying Good-Bye

Two week ago I went to a funeral for Arthur Burton. Unfortunately, I know very little about him. Until I went to the funeral, on April 29th, I had no idea that he had been in the Marines or held a government job. So why did I go to say good-bye to him on a rainy Wednesday? Because he touched my life. I was particularly struck by how a person (like Arthur) that I hardly knew could affect me so deeply. What I did know was that Arthur was a great man and that he had tremendous presence of spirit. He worked at Sports Fit, a local gym that I attend in the Bowie Area. In this setting he acted as an unofficial ambassador of goodwill. Seeing Arthur in the morning was like seeing the morning sun. He was always smiling and greeting people. He had a knack of looking into someone’s eyes and making them feel special. Just his smile would light up the hallway. Although Arthur was most known for shaking hands with his tennis racket at Sports Fit, I knew him for shaking hands with people. I met Arthur when I was pregnant with my 3rd child. He used to call me Mamma. I ran on the treadmill until my 9th month and even played tennis. This amused Arthur. He was always around to give me a high five, a thumbs-up or a kind word of encouragement. These little tokens of common decency meant the world to me. You never think that simply saying hello and being genuinely happy to see people can be so powerful in someone’s life, but it was for me. Arthur’s kind words kept me going. It was like getting a dose of adrenalin everyday. Sometimes, his thumbs-up gave me the strength to run an extra mile. Even though I only conversed with Arthur for about 60 seconds a day, I learned so much from him and the way that he lived his life. Arthur taught me that simple kindness and a radiating energy can change the world. If we could all emulate Arthurs approach to life there truly would be world peace. May we all touch each others lives in the way that Arthur touched mine.