Lent & Abstinence

Yesterday was the first day of Lent. It kicks off the 40 day period before Easter. In truth, I still cling to this Christian tradition and now practice it in my own home. Marking my head with ashes and giving up something I love for 40 days had all the appeal of a root canal when I was growing up. But I now find wisdom in this tradition. Henry Metzger once said that “you should never be ruled by your passions.” This is the essence of Lent—at least for me. There are so many attachments in life; attachments to our cell phones, cars, shoes, food, and even Starbucks. That is not to say that we should not enjoy life and enjoy these things, but it does mean that we should always be the master and not the servant to our whims and desires. In many ways I see Lent as the equivalent to Ramadan or Yom Kippur. It is a time of reflection and spiritual cleansing from the influences of the world. This internal reflection helps a human being on the road to enlightenment or being more like Christ. This is a part of the personal pilgrimage that a person needs to undergo to fully understand the joy of Easter morning.

This year I put ashes on my forehead and made a commitment to abstain from alcohol for 40 days. Ok, let’s be honest. I am making the commitment to stay away from wine for 40 days. This is a huge sacrifice for me! I am a connoisseur of wine. I love everything about wine from the tannins to the full body textures that personifies a nice barrel aged vintage. The experience of wine is one of the small pleasures of life. “Wine ... cheereth God and man.” as it so eloquently states in Judges, 9:13 I love everything from the way wine smells (the nose) to the way it tantalizes the pallet. Yes folks, wine is one of my main attachments in life and I have often joked that if I cannot reach enlightenment without a glass of wine in my hand I want no part of becoming a better human being. Nonetheless, I am taking a baby step into a brave new world in order to find a deeper meaning to this experience we call the human condition.

Last year I gave up meat for 40 days with the same goal and although I did not turn into a vegetarian it did make me think deeper about my relationship to the food that I eat and to animals I consume. Perhaps I will gain equal insight as I abstain from wine this year. At the very least it will make the glass of wine I have on April 24th that much more of a religious experience.

Cultural Learning 101

Turning Friday Night into Family Night has spurred some wonderful and deep conversations within the Cochrane Family. Our children have been able to be engaged and learn from these conversations as much as the adults. Recently, we had Fatimah and her two children Wudood and Hanaa over for dinner. Alex my 7 year old son had a very special question for Fatimah which I broached with her earlier. “Why do you wear that on your head?” Alex asked shyly. My friend Fatimah is Muslim, and wears a head scarf. The rest of us held our breath because we did not want to offend Fatimah or her family by asking insensitive questions. These were our guests and our friends and we did not want them to feel on display. Fatimah merely smiled and very patiently answered that her headdress was called a “Hijab.” She went on to explain that she wears it out of reverence for God and as a symbol of her Muslim Faith. Alex then asked, “Do you ever take it off?” Fatimah laughed;” Yes, I take it off when I am alone or in the presence of my family. However if there is another male in the house who is not related to me I put it back on.” The conversation went on for a while and then Fatimah turned to her 12 year old son and asked him to explain further why she wears the Hijab so that it would be a learning experience for everyone at the dinner table. Wudood chimed into the conversation by saying, “It is to protect her beauty. “ Fatimah further explained that her beauty is a special gift that she reserves just for her family. The conversation took many twists and turns that night. Over pizza we discussed many of the religious and cultural differences (and similarities) between the Muslim and Christian Faiths. Our two families talked about the fasting for Ramadan in the Muslim Faith and the tradition of giving up something for Lent within the Christian Religion. That was a very special night in our house. Our home and our dinner table became the focal point of learning, sharing and understanding. Much of that conversation was as poignant as any formalized education our children will ever receive in school. Understanding, and therefore tolerance, starts at home regardless whether it is religious, racial, political or ethnic – and sometimes can take place over pizza. The bigger lesson to be gleaned from Alex’s question and the answer he received is love and respect. He asked a potentially impolite question in a respectful manner and received a thoughtful and detailed answer. Learning to respect and love everyone for who they are is a lesson we hope will last our children throughout their lives. Respect and Love and Understanding all lead to peace, and peace is perhaps the greatest manifestation of Gods love available to us on earth.

Sunday Church or Company

This morning I woke up with angst in my heart. I wanted to go to church and the emotion was like fire in my chest. Ever since I have started down my spiritual journey the feeling of communing with others has become part of my makeup and my daily routine. I could not understand the overwhelming desire but the craving for spiritual fulfillment was akin to a thirsty traveler looking for a refreshing glass of water. The struggle was that we had company overnight stay at the house—They were close friends that we rarely get to see. What to do? This was certainly a dilemma. I did not want to insult our company, and I certainly did not want to insult my husband—after all Lee and Scott had known each other for 25 years. But something in my heart needed to go.

At 5:30AM I got up and made pancakes and fruit salad for breakfast and set the table; then discreetly retired to my bedroom to get dressed for church. Scott came to check on me several minutes later. When he saw that I was getting ready for church he was obviously upset. “We have company,” he said. “How are you going to explain this to your son, that our company is not important? We always tell Alex that he needs to stay at home when he has company. You are not practicing what you preach.” What my husband was saying had merit. I thought deeply about what he said and answered, “I would tell him, that God comes first, then family, then friends, and work.” I tried to reassure Scott that I was not trying to insult him or anyone else.

Several minutes later I reappeared in the kitchen to finish with the breakfast preparations. Tina (Lee’s wife) looked at me for a moment and asked where I was going. I told her to church as I cut the food on my son’s plate and tried to avoid her eyes. Then I lifted my eyes and took a deep breath and asked her, “would you like to come with me?” she said, “Yes, but I have nothing to wear. I will feel uncomfortable in Jeans.” “I’ll change into Jean’s if you come with me,” I smiled. OK—came the response, so off I bounded to the bedroom with a bounce in my step. I was going to church and everything had worked out. It was the second time in my life that I have ever worn Blue Jeans to church. But I don’t think that wearing jeans offends God and more importantly, I got to go to church with my friend.