Finding Your Center

Athena and I took off our shoes and walked barefoot on the grass at the Baysox minor leage field. It was so peaceful. It made me think of this phrase.

"There is a silence into which the world can not intrude. There is an ancient peace you carry in your heart and have not lost. There is a sense of holiness in you the thought of sin has never touched."

A Course in Miracles--Lesson 164

Lent & Abstinence

Yesterday was the first day of Lent. It kicks off the 40 day period before Easter. In truth, I still cling to this Christian tradition and now practice it in my own home. Marking my head with ashes and giving up something I love for 40 days had all the appeal of a root canal when I was growing up. But I now find wisdom in this tradition. Henry Metzger once said that “you should never be ruled by your passions.” This is the essence of Lent—at least for me. There are so many attachments in life; attachments to our cell phones, cars, shoes, food, and even Starbucks. That is not to say that we should not enjoy life and enjoy these things, but it does mean that we should always be the master and not the servant to our whims and desires. In many ways I see Lent as the equivalent to Ramadan or Yom Kippur. It is a time of reflection and spiritual cleansing from the influences of the world. This internal reflection helps a human being on the road to enlightenment or being more like Christ. This is a part of the personal pilgrimage that a person needs to undergo to fully understand the joy of Easter morning.

This year I put ashes on my forehead and made a commitment to abstain from alcohol for 40 days. Ok, let’s be honest. I am making the commitment to stay away from wine for 40 days. This is a huge sacrifice for me! I am a connoisseur of wine. I love everything about wine from the tannins to the full body textures that personifies a nice barrel aged vintage. The experience of wine is one of the small pleasures of life. “Wine ... cheereth God and man.” as it so eloquently states in Judges, 9:13 I love everything from the way wine smells (the nose) to the way it tantalizes the pallet. Yes folks, wine is one of my main attachments in life and I have often joked that if I cannot reach enlightenment without a glass of wine in my hand I want no part of becoming a better human being. Nonetheless, I am taking a baby step into a brave new world in order to find a deeper meaning to this experience we call the human condition.

Last year I gave up meat for 40 days with the same goal and although I did not turn into a vegetarian it did make me think deeper about my relationship to the food that I eat and to animals I consume. Perhaps I will gain equal insight as I abstain from wine this year. At the very least it will make the glass of wine I have on April 24th that much more of a religious experience.

Our Deepest Fear is that We are Powerful...

The December season is a special season that inspires hope and reminds us of who we are inside. I love the lights in the Holiday season. The Christmas season reminds me of the light inside of each human being. This light is a magnificent radiant light. May your light burn bright today. Hear is a quote to remind you of who you really are.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

Everyday Miracles

Miracles are not some random events that happened thousands of years ago in the Bible or in some other ancient text, like the parting of the red sea. Miracles are the soft whispers of God that happen in any given moment. They are the moments where we connect to everything around us and they are as plentiful as the sands on the sea shore. I have had many of these encounters in the last couple of days—in fact I have them everyday—and every time I meet someone. I just have to slow up, be present, and surrender to the moment. Miracles happen in the normal course of life as I am going about shopping in the food store or speaking on the telephone. I have found that any meeting that I have with another person is a chance meeting with God—no matter how brief. Yesterday I went up to Edgar in Trader Joes to thank him because he had told me with such conviction that my operation was going to be all right. He had told me this while loading my groceries in the car. Then there was Pat at Safeway that reassured me that I was a good Mom when Athena was wailing (to my embarrassment) at the top of her lungs in Safeway because she wanted me to buy her candy and I had said “No.” I was so happy that the universe had sent me a special Angel to tell me to hang in there. The Universe is like a pipeline and the God moments just keep coming like rushing water. Next, I was in the wine store buying a bottle of wine. I talked to the gentleman who is a retired police officer about children. He got an old faded picture out of his wallet and showed me his 3 grown children and regaled me about their lives and how one is even living in California these days. He had 2 sons and a daughter just like me and it was as if he was saying it was going to be all right. See I had 3 kids and they survived and you can do it too with your 3 kids. As I looked into the Gentleman’s eyes I could tell this was a special moment I was sharing with him and that it was more important then the wine I was buying. After we spoke he came from behind the counter and held Athena up so she could feed the fish in the tank. This was a Wow moment and I would have missed it if I was going too fast. But these moments don’t stop—they just keep on coming and I have another ten stories just like them that happened all on the same day. All of these moments are Miracles. These moments when people see me and I really see them are sacred. They happen with perfect strangers, friends, acquaintances, reminding us that there is no separation. We are just one big happy family. In those moments we stop and visit as if we are old friends catching each other up on what we have missed even if we have just met 10 seconds before.

Athena's Labrinth

Our spiritual teachers come in all forms if were open to it--sometimes they are 3 year olds. This last Sunday I was out with a sub set of my children; My 8 year old son Alex and my 3 year old daughter Athena. We were walking a stone Labyrinth after church. Although the idea of the labyrinth traditionally comes from Greek mythology, this modern adaptation was meant to inspire thought or spiritual reflection. The idea was that you wanted to take a stone into the labyrinth (along with a personal intention) and place it on one of the stick drawn lines in the labyrinth thus adding to its creation. Anyone was free to walk the labyrinth anyway that appealed them. There was no wrong way just as there is no wrong way to go through life. Ultimately, the goal was to get to the center of the labyrinth and back and hopefully gain some sort of understanding along the way. I searched through the rock pile finding the perfect rock and picked up (holding it like a prized possession). Then I took off my shoes to signify holy ground and started to make the pilgrimage to the center of the labyrinth. I was so careful not to step on any of the lines and to follow the path previously created with stones. It was intense. Carefully and methodically I weaved through the labyrinth sometimes readjusting my course as I ran into a dead end. I was entrenched in thought and being very sacred about the whole practice when my daughter Athena (who has always been in touch with her spiritual side) came whizzing by me at a good clip. She was not walking the path but deliberately stepping over the stones to get to the center. Lines did not mean anything to her. She, after all, was three and children have no need of such restrictions. Children are so carefree! It occurred to me as I watched Athena reach the center of the circle (and exclaim that she did it) that the lines or restrictions that hold us back in life are often times self-created. In fact, there are no barriers in life at all other then the ones we create. Athena had taught me a wonderful lesson that all children know intuitively and adults have forgotten.

Peace Is A Choice

When I think about peace and tranquility, I often have the mental image of a Yogi doing meditation under some tree in a remote place in the world—or on top of a lotus flower. Peace is a luxury of those who do not live in the western rat race. I have told myself in the past that I am too busy for peace, that I have too many obligations to sit still for 15 minutes in silence. Nevertheless, I am learning to change my thought system.

Can peace really be achieved? To me, peace means intentionally slowing down on the inside so that you concentrate on the little things like taking a deep breath even when your world is going a million miles an hour on the outside. In every moment of the day (especially when my kids are screaming), I must make the conscious decision of not getting stressed out by the never ending to-do list and the self imposed deadlines. Peace is a choice. It means restructuring my life. I have found that meditation is about turning your life from a reactionary model to a proactive model. Instead of just getting up in the morning and starting into my day, it means sitting in silence and pondering my vexation, slowing down my heart rate, and paying attention to the parts of my body that hurt. In these quiet moments of self talk I achieve a clarity that sets the stage for everything that happens later in the day. Over the last 3 years, I have become addicted to meditation and doing the ‘Course in Miracles’. Meditation saves me from being a crazy mom and a frantic person. I am no longer backing my car into trees or running around in a panic. Instead, every morning I intentionally wake up before the kids to have my solitude. It is like getting a massage for the brain every morning. Quite frankly, meditation is my morning cup of coffee. Without it I am lost.