A Sense of Adventure

Zefram was eating waffles at the Nautilus Dinner in Crofton yesterday. In the center of the waffle was a picture of a steering wheel of a ship. He was drawn to the image. In many ways the helm of an old ship not only denotes the ocean but it is also linked to a classic sense of adventure; So it is noteworthy that Zefram liked the picture so much because that is the motto of his life. In life there are 2 types of people in the world those that meet life with that sense of adventure and those that meet it with a sense of fear. Although many of us fall into the fear category, Zefram definitely falls into the adventure camp. Last night that sense of adventure extended to going to Ann Arundel Medical Center to have a sleep study done with Sleep Study of America (SSA) www.SleepServices.net. From the moment that Zefram new that we were going to the hospital to stay overnight he wanted to know all about the procedure in great detail. We went to the library to get a few books and then talked about what he would need for the trip. Zefram saw the trip to the hospital through the eyes of adventure. He thought of it as a giant sleep over and an excuse to have Mom all to him. For the last 2 days he methodically packed his suitcase full of books and favorite stuffed animals for his trip. When we finally showed up at the Hospital you would have thought that he was signed up for an amusement park ride. I was amazed! He sat with complete aw while the technician Gabriel covered him in cords, gadgets, and wires. He was curious about everything and thought it was the best moment of his life. I don’t know what Zefram will do as a career in the future but his sense of adventure will take him far. In many ways he is well named. The name Zefram Cochrane is from Star Trek. We named him Zefram Cochrane not because we were Trekies so much as that we thought the idea of a sense of adventure was a good legacy. However, Zefram personifies the name. It often makes you wonder if life denotes art or if art denotes life. Whatever the answer, Zefram will be there to enjoy it with a smile.

Iron Girl Triathlon

There are 5 new 2009 Iron Girls today in Crofton Maryland! Five members of Team Terry (including myself) finished the Columbia Iron Girl Triathlon. One of our team members could not race because of last minute medical complications. But being a veteran Iron Girl herself she did the next best thing by coming out and cheering for the rest of us and galvanized the group. Everyone did fabulous. Personally, I finished the Iron Girl in 2:27. My strongest event was the Bike.

I am sure that Terry Hendrix was looking down from heaven and cheering the entire team on. Her spirit was an inspiration while training for the race this last year and she was so thrilled that the pre-school mom’s were doing the race in her name. It is ironic that we started racing for her as a moral booster but it was Terry who gave us the inspiration to go the extra mile. Her never quit attitude helped me conquer my fear of the water. I often would go to the pool and say to myself, “If Terry can go through chemo, I can swim another lap.” Who new I would be able to swim in open water in less then one year from learning something besides the doggy paddle.

I am so grateful to all the people that got me to the finish line yesterday. I have so many people to thank. First of all, I have to thank Team Terry for encouraging me to sign up last November. The Pre-School Mom’s of Crofton Rock. I have secretly wanted to do a triathlon since I saw a mom do one on TV years ago. They gave me the push.

Thank you Kris O’krepki for the lending me her racing bike. Wow—who new you could go that fast. It was totally cool!

I am thankful to my husband who taught me how to swim and introduced me to the bike and watched the kids while I trained.

I am thankful to Mike (who is a 3 time Iron Man) that taught me how to change my gear shifts, rode with me, helped me change tires, gave me lots of pearls of wisdom and encouraged me to sign up for the Mid Maryland Tri Club. He was a Godsend!

Mid Maryland Tri Club was a huge blessing too. They were just what I needed. The support that they gave me was the key to having a phenomenal race. Each one of them helped me in so many ways and gave me encouragement, wisdom, food and friendship. Can anyone ask for more in life? I am eternally grateful.

I am thankful to the Medical Community. The Nurses at Nighttime Pediatrics that cleaned my road rash when I fell off the bike and gave me so much advice. And of course I am forever grateful to Anne Arundel Orthopedic Surgeons for putting me back together. The physical therapist at Waugh Chapel for helping me work through last year’s surgery.

I am thankful for Bikram Yoga. Bikram Yoga of Severna Park & Emily played a big part in my healing process. It gave me a full body work out that was as intense as running a marathon in 90 minutes without the intense pounding on my body. It is my secret weapon of how I kept my strength while I was still healing. I now love Yoga so much that it will continue to be a life long persuite.

I am thankful to Sport Fit. They were a great training ground. I appreciate their daycare, and their great pool. And of course, Arthur who was so fantastic at cheering me on. I will miss his smiling face and him saying “You can do it Mamma.”

I am thankful to Nightmare Graphics for the great race shirts and to Ulman Young Cancer Society for their encouragement and helping us make the connection with Nightmare Graphics.

Also—a big shout out must go to Princeton Sports who are the Nordstrum of the Sporting Goods industry. Stoney helped make sure that I had tires for the bike which they had to specially order. They don’t make wheels like mine since the 1980’s but he got the job done. Also, thanks to Denise who helped me by selling me clipless pedals a week before the race and taught me how to use them so I would not be left in the dust on race day. Without Princeton Sports support I would not have done as well on race day. A thousand thanks!

I am extremely grateful to my Grandmother Iole Kollar who came from Florida to watch me do the Iron Girl. We had Sushi the night before like we did when I was growing up and living together. She has been my best and most wonderful cheerleader all of my life. I can still see her driving the car behind me while I was learning to run for my marathons as a kid. Just having her with me on race day was a source of strength. I love her so much and having her there made all the difference.

Of course no Mom ever does anything spectacular without the thought of their children being close at hand. I am thankful to my 3 little ones for constantly challenging me to be the best Mom that I can be. It was exhilarating when they would run with me when I came into the neighborhood on training runs, or how they came outside to watch as I tried to learn to not fall off the bike.

Also special thanks go out to Christine Kellar for trying to tell our story because some stories grow past the individual and become about us all.

Most of all, I am forever grateful to each person, who reached out with emails, facebook postings, phone calls, and prayers. Each high five, and encouraging word helped me get across the finish line—this support was immeasurably important. Each word spoke directly to my heart.

Finishing the Iron Girl Triathlon has taught me that all dreams can come true, but when we cross the finish line, it is because of the love and support of so many people that helped lift us up to our full potential. A million thanks to everyone!

Terry’s Independence Day

The 4th of July means a great deal to our country and has been steeped in majesty ever since 1776. It marks the official day that the Declaration of Independence was signed. The day is the anniversary of our founding fathers taking control of their destiny. Signing that document was a courageous act. It was a death sentence to every man who signed. But each of them made that heroic choice. They made the choice to make their stand; a choice to make things better for themselves, and for those who would come after them. The day is so special that not only do Americans celebrate our country hood, but we commemorate some of our founders who mysteriously died on that day. John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and James Monroe all passed away on the 4th of July. So when Terry Hendrix chose to pass away on the 233rd anniversary of the signing of Declaration of Independence she was following in the footsteps of greatness; many of those who new Terry have deemed the 4th of July “Terry’s Independence Day.” Like our founding fathers, Terry was feisty and fiercely independent and went out of the world in the manor in which she lived—on her own terms. Terry will not live on in the history books like all these great men but she will live on in the hearts and minds of those who came to love her and will never forget her. She was courageous in the face of cancer.

However what made Terry so remarkable was not the cancer, it was something bigger. She inspired the very best in everyone she met and lived each day to the fullest. Terry loved life and had a way of forgiving others when they did not live up to her expectations. I remember one such occasion when I did not show up to pick strawberries with her and she took it all in stride saying it was not meant to be. Terry had a way of looking beyond a person’s shortcomings and seeing who really was inside. It is those eyes that I often looked to when she was deep in the recesses of cancer because no matter how overwhelming the cancer was, Terry’s spirit never had cancer. You could see her soul fire burning within her even at the bitterest of times. Interesting enough, Terry did not ask why bad things happened to her—she merely asked why not her. Although the cancer would take Terry’s life at the end, it would not take her happiness. In a courageous act of heroism Terry wrote in lipstick on her mirror that she was healthy. And indeed she was; because she never let the cancer in. Cancer never corroded the beautiful person that lived within her body. Now she claims that independence every day as she floats through time and space “on the wings of Angels.” As you can tell, Terry was very special. Although I only new Terry Hendrix for a little over a year, I fell in love with her as so many people did. You simply couldn’t help it. All of those who knew her will bitterly weep for the 42 year old wife and mother who left the world a little too soon, but we are all better off for knowing her even for a brief moment. In our sadness, let us never forget that the ones that we leave behind today will always be carried to greatness in our hearts as we continue upon life’s journey. In each act of kindness that we do the Terry’s of the world will be shining through their independence from the bad things that sometimes can weigh so heavily on our hearts.

Terry’s Tenderness

I have been guarded about writing about Terry Hendrix. Nevertheless, she has been playing an extremely pivotal role in my life for over a year. Terry is the mom of one of Zefram’s friends in his pre-school class. I met Terry due to her overwhelming kindness on a field trip. She was one of the parent chaperones that day, and put my mind at ease that Zefram would be fine. Several weeks later when I had forgotten about a Mother’s Day lunch-in, Terry stepped in to take Zefram under her wing. So it is no surprise that when I had invasive surgery for my Plantars Fasciitis that Terry was there to drive Zefram to and from school while I was on the mend.

From the moment that I met Terry, I wanted to get to know her better. Outwardly, she is just like any other Mom, doing all the Mom things with her son James. But she had a fire in her eyes and sweetness in her soul that is rarely seen so abundantly. All you have to do is to take a look at her relationship with her husband to know that she is a special person. My friendship with Terry had the humblest beginnings, starting over our children and related common interests. I never knew at the time that I was on the threshold of a life altering experience.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008 was a beautiful day. The sky was a brilliant crystal blue. That afternoon I hobbled down the steps to say good-bye to Terry after she dropped Zefram off after school. Little did I know that I was saying good-bye to the way that I saw the world. The pain killers made me a little loopy as I stood there suspended on crunches. Nevertheless, I will always remember seeing Terry on the porch that day. She looked so lovely and radiant. Terry was always smiling and I was affected deeply by her jubilation for life. She stood about 5’3 weighing a hundred and twenty pounds beaming from ear to ear. I asked her, “What is your secret to happiness?” She simply said that life was short. Terry was a cancer survivor and she was resolved to living life to the fullest in every moment. I was shocked that she had gone through so much but was even more stunned by how magnificent she was in that moment.

The next day, Terry’s husband gave me a call. There was an ominous sound in his voice. Terry had experienced a seizure overnight and was in the hospital. In true Terry fashion being worried about others more then herself, she had her husband call me right away so that I could make alternate plans for Zefram. Two weeks of testing determined that the cancer had returned with a vengeance. This time the cancer had found its way into her spine and her brain. She started a regimen of chemotherapy and steroids and slowly her world and body morphed. Within months she looked like a different person. One day she joked that she felt like the Buddha except less enlightened. She was now bald and had the voluptuous figure of a Raphael painting. But the cancer never touched her spirit. This is the miracle of it all. The fire in Terry’s hazel eyes burned more intently then ever, and still does.

There have been many ups and downs for Terry and her family. The Medical Community can no longer cleanse her body of cancer, but she is resolved to face each day on her own terms. I constantly marvel at her strength and am touched by her love. Terry is a true hero. She is a hero for getting out of bed in the morning to spend time with her four year old son. Other times she is a hero in the way she smiles or hugs someone. Every task that Terry does, regardless of how simple or immense makes her a hero, because she is making a conscious decision not to go quietly into that dark night.

Terry has every right to be angry. Angry at the world, at fate, at God; but more times then not she drinks every moment in like sunshine like she is storing it up for a rainy day. Most would consider her situation the rainy day yet she still looks to the future. I am not writing the story of Terry for you to feel sorry for her. She of all people would not want that. I write this story because Terry has found the secret to life and happiness despite her circumstances. Terry has shown me that it is our relationships with one another that make us strong and make every moment worth living. Slow up and love well and often would be her motto. As for me, I will always remember Terry’s great tenderness. To be with her is to share a moment with God. Sometimes that moment is shared in smiles, sometimes in tears but mostly it is shared in her zest for life. Warren Zevon, the musician who passed away from Mesothelioma famously said when asked about his diagnosis “…you’re supposed to enjoy every sandwich”. This pretty much sums up Terry. It’s the simple things in life that bring us joy and contentment, and that is her secret to happiness.