My Memories of Ada

I ask for prayers. Our family is in mourning. Grandma Ada (my husband's paternal Grandmother) passed away last night at 1:30 AM peacefully at the age of 90. She was such a moving force in our lives and in the Cochrane Family at large. She was our matriarch. To us, Grandma Ada’s passing is the passing of an era. Grandma Ada was born in Italy in 1920 but you would never know it because her English was impeccable. She attended the World’s Fair in NY in 1939 where she met Scott's Grandfather Bill Cochrane. She always said she fell in love with his blue eyes there. Ada lived through World War II as a single mom in a NY apartment while Bill was off at war. I still marvel that she was able to do this and keep her sanity but she had tremendous fortitude and was one of those people who made things happen not excuses. Despite all this, Ada was the most well read women that I have ever met. In fact, she was the only person I knew that did the NY Times cross word puzzle in ink. She loved learning and often tutored other people into her senior years. She was also committed to passing on her love of learning and intellectual curiosity to her grandchildren and great grandchildren. Ada had passion for a great many things in her life. She loved the local library, doing cross word puzzles, bike riding, the Opera, NY City, and visiting Europe. She lived a full and active life filled with friends and family.

Despite all of these things, what I will remember most about Ada is her love of intellectual conversation over the dinner table. It was her forum. She often pontificated about her Democratic political views over salad, bread, wine, and her famous blueberry crisp. When Scott and I were dating we went to her house at least once a week for dinner. It was the best marriage counseling anyone could ever get and it was free. Eating meals with Ada and Bill made our marriage strong. Ada had a strong personality. She never had a problem telling you what she thought or where you stood in her life. In fact, there was a time Ada didn't like me very much. However, over time her opinion of me changed and when we began to exchange letters. Ada was an amazing woman. Rarely do we have the opportunity to meet someone so cultured in our life that is related to us. Scott and I always joked that if we were playing Trivia, Ada would be our lifeline.

I am honored that Ada was in my life and grateful to her for making Scott into the man he is today. Ada Raviglione Cochrane will be missed by our family in Maryland and by so many others. Her life will continue to be a ripple in the water that touches us deeply. As for me, I will continue to look longingly at the mailbox wishing for just one last letter from her.

Does what I do matter?

The question is “does what we do matter?” I stopped writing on my blog in December 2009. Now it is almost May 2010. There are so many reasons that I stopped writing. But in a nut shell I got disheartened and then I allowed life to get in the way. I kept asking if anybody cared that I was writing. With only one follower, I assumed the answer was, “No.” However, in retrospect I was asking the wrong questions. What was behind the question of “does what I do matter” was an even larger question of “do I matter?” I have come to the conclusion that the answer is “Yes.” Recently, my hospice patient passed away. She was a stay at home Mom and I loved to listen to her stories of raising her girls in their formative years. Before she passed away she gave me the recipe to Strawberry Banana Pie which I made this spring for my children. They loved it! Even Scott loved it. Strawberry Banana Pie has become a staple at our table and in our lives. My hospice patient mattered and every time I eat that pie, I will think of her and her legacy will be remembered; which brings full circle to my blog postings. It does not matter if the world reads my blog or not. What matters is that it is a way of saying I was here. My blog and the things I write for my kids is my Strawberry Banana Pie. So I am delighted that I am remembered by at least one follower and that my 3 adoring children will remember that I was here. And for that I matter.

2009 in Review

To recap 2009, change was the main theme. This has been a year devoted to looking at our habits and how the Cochrane Family spends their time. In the beginning of this year Jena went to the inauguration of Obama and was filled with the sense of possibility that anyone can achieve anything despite race, religion or creed. On a micro level, our family addressed our dental hygiene issues, took a hard look at our finances & time management. We have refinanced our home, watched a friend die a noble death, questioned the idea of God, and changed churches to the Unitarian Universalist Church. Each of us has had a memorable year and has much to be greatful for: Scott is in his 9th year with Verizon Wireless. He became a Cub Scout Leader & participated in the Sea Gull Century bike ride as well as headed up Alex’s Destination Imagination Team for Crofton Woods Elementary School. Jena completed the 2009 Columbia Iron Girl Triathlon & became a Hospice Volunteer. Alex entered 3rd grade & is playing the Cello. Zefram graduated from preschool at Community United Methodist Child Developement Center and has started kindergarten at Crofton Woods where he is learning to read and behave. And, Athena is more charismatic then ever. We like to joke that this is her world and we just live in it. She truly is the Goddess.

2009 Christmas Notes

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all. Our family had one of the best Christmases ever, but truly the best part of Christmas was spending time with those we love and stopping to realize how special these moments are. The Christmas season took over our house despite most of us being sick. Here are some of the highlights. Alex and Jena started off by going on a mother and son date to see the legendary Rocketts from Radio City Music Hall. They came to DC for the first time ever. Then on Christmas Eve the festivities kicked into high gear with the celebration of “La Vigilia” which is the Feast of the 13 fishes. There is one fish for each apostle and one for Christ. La Vigilia is an Italian family tradition. This meal is a labor of love that starts weeks before but is the highlight of the year. And if Christmas Eve was not spectacular enough there was the sheer delight and wonderment of our children on Christmas morning. Our 5 year old son Zefram did the sweetest thing by wrapping household items to give to everyone. Zefram even wrote each person’s name on the gifts, which is testament to the great education that he is receiving at Crofton Woods Elementary School in Maryland. What makes Zefram’s gifts so special is that no one told him that he had to give gifts. He did this on his own. There was nothing spectacular about Zefram’s gift but you couldn’t help but cry when you unwrapped a piece of ordinary cardboard because you know that he also wrapped all of his love in the package. Alex on the on the other hand has been running a wrapping paper business at School. He has been making his own wrapping paper, and also used his own product on all the family gifts. Again what was amazing is that he bought presents for everyone (out of his own money) without being prompted—He even bought several presents for his brother Zefram and that is a Christmas miracle if there ever was one. Each moment of Christmas brought so many special moments. Scott also got in on the action by creating a scavenger hunt for Jena that produced several wonderful gifts along the way. It was so much fun to run from room to room with the kids following along with glee. Then the world stopped, or so it seemed for an 8 year old boy. There was the Nintendo DS that Alex got from Santa Claus. He has wanted the DS for over 3 years. Alex acted as if he had just won the lottery and from his standards he did. It was truly incredible to witness his joy. Last but not least, Athena was the late comer to Christmas morning. She is only 2 years old so she is not affected by anticipation and decided to sleep in. Nevertheless, she enjoyed opening her presents when she got up. Her favorite part of Christmas was carrying around a teddy bear that is a foot bigger than she is. She carried the teddy bear everywhere while dressed in a pink ballerina costume with matching heals. (Yes folks she is a girl!) The Christmas magic does not come from what we get but by the unexpected events that warm our heart; and we had so many of these moments this year--Especially the anonymous gifts that showed up on our doorstep addressed to the entire family from Santa Clause. Christmas is a such a magical time of year that brings out the concept of peace on earth and good will toward men. For the adults, and hopefully for the kids, these are memories that we will keep forever. So in the words of Tiny Tim from a Christmas Carol, “God bless us, every one!"

Learning Joy from a Child

Athena teaches me about joy, happiness, and wonder on a daily basis. Athena is my 2 year old daughter. Her life is simple. Most days she lives in a state of pure happiness. She spins in circles and is constantly in motion exploring her world. I marvel at her. She constantly sings to herself, usually songs she makes up herself, but I occasionally catch snippets of songs I know. If Athena is not singing, she is babbling on in a joyful tone and exploring. Her heart is full of love and she is always available to give you kisses, or looking for her father to beep her nose. I am learning to enjoy the world through Athena’s eyes and to value the lessons that she teaches.

When Athena turns her attention on you, her eyes light up and her love for life is infectious. She has a radiating spirit. I often joke that it takes me 20 minutes extra to do the weekly grocery shopping because she must stop and talk to her adoring public. Athena is unencumbered by what others think of her. She moves through the world in perfect bliss. Just yesterday, she put her shoes on the wrong feet and stood up with open arms proclaiming to whoever was listening, “I did it!” I love her enthusiasm and how she cheers herself on. Her other favorite phrase is “I love it.” Athena is sheer joy in motion. When you thank her for anything she will reply in her sing song voice, “You are very welcome.” I have determined from all that Athena does that she lives in the perfect state of grace. She is as close to godliness as any of us will get. This is what Jesus must have meant when he said that the kingdom of God belongs to a child. As Matthew Fox said in his article Creation Spirituality, “To experience a personal cosmology, become a child again—not an adolescent, but a child—and thereby become a player, a playful being in the universe……If we can learn to delight again and play again, then we will learn wisdom again.” The universe is a Childs playground; for Athena this all too true. To spend time with her is very intoxicating and reminds me of the joy of living. She is a constant reminder to live in a state of happiness.

Peace Is A Choice

When I think about peace and tranquility, I often have the mental image of a Yogi doing meditation under some tree in a remote place in the world—or on top of a lotus flower. Peace is a luxury of those who do not live in the western rat race. I have told myself in the past that I am too busy for peace, that I have too many obligations to sit still for 15 minutes in silence. Nevertheless, I am learning to change my thought system.

Can peace really be achieved? To me, peace means intentionally slowing down on the inside so that you concentrate on the little things like taking a deep breath even when your world is going a million miles an hour on the outside. In every moment of the day (especially when my kids are screaming), I must make the conscious decision of not getting stressed out by the never ending to-do list and the self imposed deadlines. Peace is a choice. It means restructuring my life. I have found that meditation is about turning your life from a reactionary model to a proactive model. Instead of just getting up in the morning and starting into my day, it means sitting in silence and pondering my vexation, slowing down my heart rate, and paying attention to the parts of my body that hurt. In these quiet moments of self talk I achieve a clarity that sets the stage for everything that happens later in the day. Over the last 3 years, I have become addicted to meditation and doing the ‘Course in Miracles’. Meditation saves me from being a crazy mom and a frantic person. I am no longer backing my car into trees or running around in a panic. Instead, every morning I intentionally wake up before the kids to have my solitude. It is like getting a massage for the brain every morning. Quite frankly, meditation is my morning cup of coffee. Without it I am lost.

A Silver Lining to a Rainy Day

Bonding with each of your children individually is important. Alex and I stood out in the Rain for 3 hours to get a book signed by the author Rick Riordan, http://www.rickriordan.com/. It was a mother son outing to the Library of Congress National Book Festival in DC. Mr. Riordan is the author of the Percy Jackson series of books, a modern-day re-telling of the Greek Mythology. After we finished our last series (Harry Potter), Alex and I were looking for something else to do when we stumbled upon these books. Alex fell instantly in love with the 12 year old precocious hero Percy Jackson. Percy has special powers because he is a demi-god born of a human mother and a god, Poseidon for a father. He goes on modern day quests to save the world which appeals greatly to young readers. Alex is truly enraptured by Percy and the mythological series. Moreover he is learning Greek mythology without knowing it. Pretty cool!

When I told Alex that the author Rick Riordan was going to be at the Book Festival he was overjoyed about getting his book signed by the author. Riordan’s first book The Lightning Thief hits the movie theaters this February, and may launch him to the fame of JK Rowling. This was our chance to meet him—and it was a great way for Alex to stay excited about reading. However the day did not go according to plan.

On Sunday, we packed a lunch and headed downtown on the metro and got in line an hour before the book signing began. Things already looked grim. Even though we were there over an hour before the book signing began, the author was so popular that we were on the 11th line. It started to rain but our hopes were not dashed. Then Riordan had to go for a TV appearance—and that was the end. After standing in line for 3 long hours Alex was crushed and wet. He started to cry and my heart broke because there was nothing I could do to stop his tears. It was heartbreaking. This is not what I wanted my son to remember about his mother and son outing. So I did the next best thing, I remembered that Riordan was speaking in the Children’s and Teens Tent at 3:15 so we ran from one side of the National Mall to the other in hopes of catching him there. Thank the gods we ran as fast as Hermes and were able to make a connection with a very kind lady. Our efforts were rewarded despite the overcrowded tent with a chair (to share) 20 feet from the stage. When we sat down, Alex and I were so close to Rick Riordan that we could see his eye color. It was a great consolation to a very rainy day. Riordan’s speech was riveting and told us of many things to come, including a series on Egyptian mythology. I am so delighted that Alex and I shared this time together and that his love for reading was rewarded. There is always a silver lining to a rainy day.