New Puppy

The Universe served up the perfect Golden Retriever puppy on a silver platter at a price that made us joyous. All I had to do was follow a whim and drive 2 hours to and from Salisbury in the middle of the night to pick up Zeus. What a small price to pay for the perfect family companion for 10 plus years. So glad I read the newspaper that night.

Darkest before the Dawn

The death of our dog has been really hard. Our family cries for Louie and says goodbye with books, Eulogy and headstone. One of my friends said the sweetest thing. They said that human beings are made in the “image” of God but animals are made in the “heart” of God. This phrase was so comforting that we used it when we eulogized Louie and had a family funeral. Each person in the family got a rock to place on the headstone in the Jewish tradition for the funeral. The rock symbolized our sadness being so great that even the rocks from the earth cry out to the heavens with our pain. As we placed the rocks on the grave, we all shared nice memories that we had about Louie. Even my younger kids participated between fits of playing. Afterwards, we read books for several weeks and talked about our feelings. Some of the best books that we read were, Dog Heaven. Alex liked how Dog Heaven said that the Angels bring your pets back to visit you from time to time. He likes to imagine Louie playing snow balls in heaven and having fun but coming back to see him from time to time. The other book that we read was called the Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A story of life for all ages by Leo Buscaglia. This book was not specifically about animals passing but goes through the process of life. It is a very tender book and I even got a lot out of it. The last book that we looked at was the Ten Good Things about Barnie. Although this was about a cat I liked the idea of the book. The last thing about Barnie is that he made the flowers grow. In that vain, we planted Daffodils and Azaleas on Louie’s grave. The Daffodils are just coming up and they look so beautiful. By burrying Louie with our own two hands and trying to touch our grief in all of these ways, we feel more connected to the earth and to life. Hopefully these lessons will help our children as they face loss through out their life time. Hopefully we have given them the seeds for growth that they will take with them. This process has been a journey. At the very least, we needed to say good-bye and honor our friend before we could welcome a new dog into our lives and learn to love again. Louie was a great dog and we will always love him. He was one of a kind.

Old Rag Mountain, VA

Our family went to Old Rag Mountain this weekend with friends and did 10 miles. It was an experience filled with hiking, scrabbling and bouldering. Although we were sore, it was so worth it. For a brief and shining moment we were the family we have always wanted to be. Special thanks go to our host who made the Old Rag Mountain hike possible and a friend who lent us a backpack carrier for Athena. Without team effort this day could not happen.

We hope that these are the memories that our children remember when they grow up. Truly a breathtaking day.

St. Patricks Day

This picture says it all.

Scott's New Job

I don't know what Scott's new job title is at Verizon Wireless but I know it has Engineer in it and he is so very happy. I am just happy that he will no longer be working nights which was taking a toll on his body and hard for the whole family. This new job is a welcome change. The kids and I were so proud of Scott that we made this banner for him. Everyone helped. Zefram drew a rocket; Alex made the bubble letters; and Athena experimented with different color inks on the same letters.

Destination Imagination 2011

Scott coached Alex's Destination Imagination team for a 3rd time. The team did not go to States but gave it the old Hail Mary try. Scott said watching the team come together was like watching an episode of Rocky. Despite not pulling out the victory, they were dressed well. This was there logo.

Change and Unexpected Surprises

Today brought change and unexpected surprises. Scott was off from work today. So, we moved the furniture in our boy’s room under the guise that this would help Alex and Zefram get passed taboo bed wetting and help them learn to make their beds too. We debunked the beds and spent the day cleaning the dust balls out of the corners; only to find that the simple act of rearranging the furniture was cathartic. In fact, it was the change I have been looking for in my life for a while; who new something so simple as rearranging the furniture in a room could give you a new outlook on life. How wonderful! But the surprises didn’t stop there. I unearthed an unexpected surprise in the move. Scott had hidden a message on Zefram’s dresser that he had written many years ago with chalk. He had written:

I love you Alex
I love you Zef
I love you Athena
I love you Jena

The message was written there so if he ever died the family would have one last message from him. Scott is truly special. These are the things that make me smile and make life worth living.

Lent & Abstinence

Yesterday was the first day of Lent. It kicks off the 40 day period before Easter. In truth, I still cling to this Christian tradition and now practice it in my own home. Marking my head with ashes and giving up something I love for 40 days had all the appeal of a root canal when I was growing up. But I now find wisdom in this tradition. Henry Metzger once said that “you should never be ruled by your passions.” This is the essence of Lent—at least for me. There are so many attachments in life; attachments to our cell phones, cars, shoes, food, and even Starbucks. That is not to say that we should not enjoy life and enjoy these things, but it does mean that we should always be the master and not the servant to our whims and desires. In many ways I see Lent as the equivalent to Ramadan or Yom Kippur. It is a time of reflection and spiritual cleansing from the influences of the world. This internal reflection helps a human being on the road to enlightenment or being more like Christ. This is a part of the personal pilgrimage that a person needs to undergo to fully understand the joy of Easter morning.

This year I put ashes on my forehead and made a commitment to abstain from alcohol for 40 days. Ok, let’s be honest. I am making the commitment to stay away from wine for 40 days. This is a huge sacrifice for me! I am a connoisseur of wine. I love everything about wine from the tannins to the full body textures that personifies a nice barrel aged vintage. The experience of wine is one of the small pleasures of life. “Wine ... cheereth God and man.” as it so eloquently states in Judges, 9:13 I love everything from the way wine smells (the nose) to the way it tantalizes the pallet. Yes folks, wine is one of my main attachments in life and I have often joked that if I cannot reach enlightenment without a glass of wine in my hand I want no part of becoming a better human being. Nonetheless, I am taking a baby step into a brave new world in order to find a deeper meaning to this experience we call the human condition.

Last year I gave up meat for 40 days with the same goal and although I did not turn into a vegetarian it did make me think deeper about my relationship to the food that I eat and to animals I consume. Perhaps I will gain equal insight as I abstain from wine this year. At the very least it will make the glass of wine I have on April 24th that much more of a religious experience.

The Arrow of Light—Coming of Age Ceremony

One of the awesome things about living on 2 acres is that we have bonfires in our back yard. They are a staple of our home like peanut butter and jelly and they make us special; Most of the time our bonfires are private events held on Friday nights with friends but last night was different. Last night we played host to Cub Scout Troup 115’s Arrow of Light Ceremony. This is one of the biggest ceremonies in a Cub Scout's career. It is the only award that a Cub Scout can earn and be worn on their Boy Scout Uniform. We witnessed several young men recieve this award last night. Among them we watched our next door neighbor’s son and a young man (whose family was responsible for giving us Louie) both achieve the Arrow of Light. This gave the ceremony a personal touch. Amidst the flames and the solemn occasion proud parents looked on as their boys took the next step into manhood. It was a truly remarkable coming of age ceremony and the Cochrane Family was honored that we were recommended to host this prestigious event--especially Scott.

This event made such a huge impression on us, but would not have been possible without the many people who gave of their time. Thank you to everyone who made the Arrow of Light ceremony a success--especially our next door neighbor who went above and beyond to make the night great. He even handmade the Arrow of Light Awards that were given out at the ceremony.Wow! Now if that is not the measure of an involved Dad, I don’t know what is.

A Day on the Town for Athena

Aunt Kristina took Athena out for a day on the town leaving a happy Mom to rest and do chores. If the truth be told, Athena was elated to be going somewhere without mom. She kept running around the house saying “we are going out—but not you” as she pointed in my general direction. Athena did not mean this exclusion maliciously so I tried to redirect her language to be positive. I told her to say, “I want to spend private time with Aunt Kristina by myself, but I still love you.” At 4 years old politeness is not part of Athena’s language. She was right to be excited though. Her and Aunt Kristina had a lot of fun going to Chic-Fil-A. They had ice cream at Cold Stone and went shopping for a bird and doggie that she adores.

Happy Birthday Athena

Athena had her first birthday party at home with 9 children in attendance. This was her first party with friends in attendance; she was 4 years old on February 24th. Athena had a princess birthday and really got into all the gifts. She seemed shocked that they were all for her. She also had fun having costume changes throughout the day. The party was a nice reprieve from the sadness that our family has been experiencing. We are still sad about Louie’s death but trying to honor the happy times too.

A Letter to Louie

Dear Louie,

When someone leaves your life it is always the little things you miss the most. These little things seem so big after someone passes away. I want you to know that you meant so much to everyone in the Cochrane Family from the youngest member to the oldest. So I compiled a list of all the sweet things that made you special. Most of all, I remember your beautiful blond eye lashes that would have been the envy of any movie star; your soft kind chocolate eyes. Then there was your wagging. When you wagged your tail, your whole body seemed to wag almost like a Chinese parade dog. Also, you used to moan when my husband Scott rubbed your ears—and it would send us “All” into stitches of laughter. Several times a day you would playfully mouth my arm or toss my hand on top of your head for forced petting. It was too cute! I miss how you leaned up against me. You always craved affection as much as you craved food. You loved to carry around a small stuffed animal in your mouth—especially if the kids left them on the floor. I miss everything about you. I even miss your wet pink nose that turned black around the edges, your sweet face and the smell of your fur. You used to roll in the mud after every bath and thought you smelled as good as Channel #5. Pew!

You were never too far away especially early in the morning or late at night. You always kept vigil over me no matter if it was 11:30 PM or 4 AM in the morning. You were always there when I sat on the couch or right outside the kitchen door waiting to be called on. The thing that I remember the most about you Louie was how you would put your wet slimy nose in my hands when I was meditating. I tried never to crack a smile but I was always smiling on the inside. I miss how you were my dog. I would hold on to your neck and burry my face in your fur. You always gave me strength to face a day with my rambunctious children. I truly never new how happy you made my days.

When we first got you, you went through an episode of peeing on our carpets but we got through all that—and life was good. In truth, your house manors were so very good by dog standards. You “came” when “called” which is more then I can say for my kids. You used to lie still when I brushed your fur and even used to change sides. You never growled at us—ever! Not even when things hurt. You never jumped on anyone. You welcomed everyone at the door--and still we could dismiss you with a single word and you would go without a fuss. You were such an agreeable dog.

Most of all I loved how you made me feel safe in my own house—especially at night when Scott was working nights. In the words of Alex—“You were brave.” Your size was imposing but you were our gentle giant. Even my 4 year old daughter could lead you around on the leash—and you loved it.

Everyone loved you. All our children friends loved you— people would come over to the house just to see you. Even the grown-ups loved you but you lived for the kids. It took so little to make you happy. A few snow balls and children to play with. You genuinely loved all the children with all of your heart. You were always with them when they were downstairs. You watched over them as if they were your cubs.

Louie, you were the calming influence in our lives; you were such a love; you were our mascot; our friend; you were our Louie.

With Love always,
The Cochrane Family