Darkest before the Dawn

The death of our dog has been really hard. Our family cries for Louie and says goodbye with books, Eulogy and headstone. One of my friends said the sweetest thing. They said that human beings are made in the “image” of God but animals are made in the “heart” of God. This phrase was so comforting that we used it when we eulogized Louie and had a family funeral. Each person in the family got a rock to place on the headstone in the Jewish tradition for the funeral. The rock symbolized our sadness being so great that even the rocks from the earth cry out to the heavens with our pain. As we placed the rocks on the grave, we all shared nice memories that we had about Louie. Even my younger kids participated between fits of playing. Afterwards, we read books for several weeks and talked about our feelings. Some of the best books that we read were, Dog Heaven. Alex liked how Dog Heaven said that the Angels bring your pets back to visit you from time to time. He likes to imagine Louie playing snow balls in heaven and having fun but coming back to see him from time to time. The other book that we read was called the Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A story of life for all ages by Leo Buscaglia. This book was not specifically about animals passing but goes through the process of life. It is a very tender book and I even got a lot out of it. The last book that we looked at was the Ten Good Things about Barnie. Although this was about a cat I liked the idea of the book. The last thing about Barnie is that he made the flowers grow. In that vain, we planted Daffodils and Azaleas on Louie’s grave. The Daffodils are just coming up and they look so beautiful. By burrying Louie with our own two hands and trying to touch our grief in all of these ways, we feel more connected to the earth and to life. Hopefully these lessons will help our children as they face loss through out their life time. Hopefully we have given them the seeds for growth that they will take with them. This process has been a journey. At the very least, we needed to say good-bye and honor our friend before we could welcome a new dog into our lives and learn to love again. Louie was a great dog and we will always love him. He was one of a kind.

Old Rag Mountain, VA

Our family went to Old Rag Mountain this weekend with friends and did 10 miles. It was an experience filled with hiking, scrabbling and bouldering. Although we were sore, it was so worth it. For a brief and shining moment we were the family we have always wanted to be. Special thanks go to our host who made the Old Rag Mountain hike possible and a friend who lent us a backpack carrier for Athena. Without team effort this day could not happen.

We hope that these are the memories that our children remember when they grow up. Truly a breathtaking day.

St. Patricks Day

This picture says it all.

Scott's New Job

I don't know what Scott's new job title is at Verizon Wireless but I know it has Engineer in it and he is so very happy. I am just happy that he will no longer be working nights which was taking a toll on his body and hard for the whole family. This new job is a welcome change. The kids and I were so proud of Scott that we made this banner for him. Everyone helped. Zefram drew a rocket; Alex made the bubble letters; and Athena experimented with different color inks on the same letters.

Destination Imagination 2011

Scott coached Alex's Destination Imagination team for a 3rd time. The team did not go to States but gave it the old Hail Mary try. Scott said watching the team come together was like watching an episode of Rocky. Despite not pulling out the victory, they were dressed well. This was there logo.

Change and Unexpected Surprises

Today brought change and unexpected surprises. Scott was off from work today. So, we moved the furniture in our boy’s room under the guise that this would help Alex and Zefram get passed taboo bed wetting and help them learn to make their beds too. We debunked the beds and spent the day cleaning the dust balls out of the corners; only to find that the simple act of rearranging the furniture was cathartic. In fact, it was the change I have been looking for in my life for a while; who new something so simple as rearranging the furniture in a room could give you a new outlook on life. How wonderful! But the surprises didn’t stop there. I unearthed an unexpected surprise in the move. Scott had hidden a message on Zefram’s dresser that he had written many years ago with chalk. He had written:

I love you Alex
I love you Zef
I love you Athena
I love you Jena

The message was written there so if he ever died the family would have one last message from him. Scott is truly special. These are the things that make me smile and make life worth living.

Lent & Abstinence

Yesterday was the first day of Lent. It kicks off the 40 day period before Easter. In truth, I still cling to this Christian tradition and now practice it in my own home. Marking my head with ashes and giving up something I love for 40 days had all the appeal of a root canal when I was growing up. But I now find wisdom in this tradition. Henry Metzger once said that “you should never be ruled by your passions.” This is the essence of Lent—at least for me. There are so many attachments in life; attachments to our cell phones, cars, shoes, food, and even Starbucks. That is not to say that we should not enjoy life and enjoy these things, but it does mean that we should always be the master and not the servant to our whims and desires. In many ways I see Lent as the equivalent to Ramadan or Yom Kippur. It is a time of reflection and spiritual cleansing from the influences of the world. This internal reflection helps a human being on the road to enlightenment or being more like Christ. This is a part of the personal pilgrimage that a person needs to undergo to fully understand the joy of Easter morning.

This year I put ashes on my forehead and made a commitment to abstain from alcohol for 40 days. Ok, let’s be honest. I am making the commitment to stay away from wine for 40 days. This is a huge sacrifice for me! I am a connoisseur of wine. I love everything about wine from the tannins to the full body textures that personifies a nice barrel aged vintage. The experience of wine is one of the small pleasures of life. “Wine ... cheereth God and man.” as it so eloquently states in Judges, 9:13 I love everything from the way wine smells (the nose) to the way it tantalizes the pallet. Yes folks, wine is one of my main attachments in life and I have often joked that if I cannot reach enlightenment without a glass of wine in my hand I want no part of becoming a better human being. Nonetheless, I am taking a baby step into a brave new world in order to find a deeper meaning to this experience we call the human condition.

Last year I gave up meat for 40 days with the same goal and although I did not turn into a vegetarian it did make me think deeper about my relationship to the food that I eat and to animals I consume. Perhaps I will gain equal insight as I abstain from wine this year. At the very least it will make the glass of wine I have on April 24th that much more of a religious experience.